Merry Christmas
by Axletia Rosonetis
Summary: How does a relationship work when you're on opposite teams? A few light, loose oneshots between Shelly and Tabitha. Commandershipping.
1. Chapter 1

_presents_

I'm trying to repost all of my better works to both here and Ao3, so slowly but surely. This was originally posted December 22, 2013 on my tumblr, so ye, we're going old. And it was left on a sorta cliffhanger at the end of the fourth chapter, so I might just whip up a new chapter or two for everyone to feel...concluded.

I dunno, I've been in the fanfic business for almost nine years now, and it still feels strange sharing. And resharing. Follow your dreams, follow your commandershipping. Okay.

(original notes: none)

* * *

"Tabby. Tab. Tabs. Tabithaaa."

"What?"

Tabitha looked down from the step-ladder, where Shelly was grinning at him, holding a box. Typical Shelly. They had agreed not to give each other Christmas presents since their finances weren't the best this year, but here she was, trying to act all superior with the (admittedly poorly) gift-wrapped box. She was almost as cocky as Maxie.

Almost.

He hung another row of blue lights along the wilting tree. Blue, because Shelly liked blue and crushed all the red ones. He could feel Shelly tug on his belt. "Merry Christmas, Tabs~" she chirped, pressing the box against his back.

"Shelly, what about our agreement?" Tabitha asked, raising an eyebrow. "You know, the one where we don't try to one-up each other like we usually do?"

"Uhhh, I have no idea nor do I care what this agreement is. Just shut up and open the box."

"But Christmas isn't for another three days..."

"Don't care. Open the box."

"I'm hanging lights-"

"Open...the box..."

Her tone was enthusiastic yet antsy, so Tabitha knew better to ignore her and stepped off the step-ladder, gingerly taking the box off of Shelly's hands. Shaking it once or twice to make sure it wasn't a prank like past presents, Tabitha spun a finger around the bow while Shelly laughed at him. "What, you afraid it's a bomb or something?"

"Yeah. You seem to like bombs a lot."

"No, Archie likes bombs a lot," Shelly corrected, rolling her eyes. "Just open the box. It won't kill you, I promise."

She sounded sincere. Tabitha allowed himself a small smile as he unwrapped the bits of tape and gift wrap. Inside the box was...nothing.

It was a cardboard box, plain as day, and Shelly was still grinning. "I couldn't afford a present this year, so I got you this box. Merry Christmas, Tabitha."

Just like Spongebob, Shelly's favorite sea-themed cartoon. It was much better than any bomb or prank she gave him in the past. Tabitha's smile grew wider as he walked over to his girlfriend and kissed her on the forehead. He'd probably get punched later for this lack of manly machoness, but he didn't care. The holidays didn't happen all the time.

"Merry Christmas, Shelly."


	2. Chapter 2

_PEZ dispensers_

"What are you doing now?"

Tabitha watched as the curly-haired woman continued to fiddle with her sugar shark PEZ dispenser. It was one of her Christmas gifts from her boss, and he only dreamed of what that bearded mongrel was capable of as far as presents. Compared to last year, a sugar shark PEZ dispenser was pretty tame, even if it did have a nasty grin on his face. He wasn't too fond of sharks, and Archie knew it.

Shelly knew it as well as she looked at him for a few seconds, grinned as nastily as the shark, and looked back at her gift. Without looking at him again, she shrugged, throwing a screwdriver across the rug. "My boss wanted me to have harmless fun, so I'm making some modifications," she replied, scoffing. "Like I know anything about being harmless."

"How can you make PEZ dispensers harmless- ouch!"

He felt a stinging sensation slip throughout his arm. There on the floor beside him were several red and white shards. Wiping the shards into his hand, Tabitha brought them to his nose and sniffed them. Peppermint. "Shelly, are you sharpening the candy canes again?"

"No, I'm breaking them and then sharpening the little pieces that I break. Genius, right?"

"N-"

"Look, Tabs."

Shelly put down the PEZ dispenser and a wrench and stared right at him, looking annoyed. It was the same annoyed expression that made Tabitha want to walk away and vigorously make out with her at the same time, and he hated this expression, especially for this kind of situation. Didn't she ever know how to be wrong? "You know you enjoy this kind of discomfort. You're some sorta macho man at your secret volcano base at work and all, and then when you come home you just want to be knocked down a few pegs. Brodie's weird. Courtney doesn't fight with dudes. You got me and I got you, and so we're the only ones we can show our true weakness to. Right?"

"Right."

Damn. Guess she wouldn't be wrong this time. Speechless, Tabitha dropped the candy cane fragments back on the floor and allowed Shelly to continue fiddling. She was right. He did enjoy playfighting with her. It allowed him to take out his frustration and his turmoil of having to be so strong at work every day. And he supposed he might have felt a little jealousy from Archie's gifts. That bearded mongrel gave Shelly her favorite animal with candy, and all he could afford was a kiss. More romantic, but also more cheesy.

Of course he wouldn't let Shelly know that. She already knew Archie had the hots for her, yet she wasn't interested. Too much chest hair, she had reasoned simply. So if she wanted to play with her PEZ, Tabitha would at least tolerate his rival's gifts.

A few minutes later, he was surprised to feel something being thrown in his lap. It was a frog PEZ dispenser, complimented with scuba glasses. Shelly had her shark grin back on her face, holding the sugar shark PEZ dispenser in one hand. "That's Freaky Frog. Sharks are better anyway, so you get the frog. Now let's do it."

"Let's do what- ow."

She shot several PEZ at his face. That was enough warning for Tabitha as he rolled out of his chair and headed for the couch. The gauntlet had been thrown; the post-Christmas romantic battle had begun.

Thank Mew she didn't replace the PEZ with staples.

* * *

Originally written December 29, 2013 on tumblr. Playfights are great.

(original notes: *remarks about the PEZ dispensers in the fic being real irl, nothing important*)


	3. Chapter 3

_resolutions_

It was a snowy night, but they still sat on the rooftop of the apartment complex, beers in hand. Neither wanted to take the other to their respective company's New Year's party, for fear of hostile actions or tasteless pranks, and the beer that was split between the two of them tasted better. Only thing they missed out was the free food.

Well, free food from their bosses. Shelly still managed to find a couple of plates of spaghetti from somewhere, and since the new year was rolling in, Tabitha liked to imagine that she didn't steal them. Likewise, he'd like to think that Shelly liked to imagine that she didn't make fun of him for paying for a six-pack instead of stealing some champagne. Which was unlikely, but he didn't love her for being the warm and fuzzy type.

So they sat in the lawn chairs, gazing at the stars in the sky. It was a common ground that didn't play upon their element rivalry, and it soothed them both. Tabitha had his arm wrapped around Shelly as she pointed to a cluster of stars. "Look at those babies. Don't they remind you of Winona's butt?"

He chuckled. "Don't they always remind you of Winona's butt?"

"Yeah…awesome, ain't it?"

"Yeah."

They continued to drink their beer. It was close to midnight, yet there were no fireworks in sight. Tabitha thought that was weird, considering a little snow never stopped anyone before, but times weren't the greatest. Not the roughest, not since the economic bust a few years ago, but not the greatest, either. Many people didn't want to go out and buy fireworks anymore. Many people didn't even want to go out and stea- _buy_ champagne, so the lack of fireworks was perfectly understandable.

But Tabitha felt the slightest bit annoyed, since he knew fireworks were one of Shelly's favorite types of explosions. Yet she was taking this pretty well, content with the Winona butt stars in the sky. "Hey, Tabs, that one looks like Winona's butt before she got it enhanced," she said, snickering.

"Huh, what?" He shook his head, focusing back to reality and butt stars. "I don't think Winona's that sort of girl."

"Pfft, all of those gym leader girls are that sort of girl. You better not being looking at 'em, either."

"At the girls or at their butts?"

"Well, hell, Tabitha. If you're looking at their butts, then you're looking at the butt's owner, too. Duh."

That was true, but that didn't stop him from blushing. Shelly continued to cackle as she poured beer into his mouth. She was really taking this really well. After swallowing the liquor, Tabitha raised an eyebrow. He just had to know. "Are you okay?"

"I'm okay, yeah. Do I have something on my face or something?"

"No. You're just really calm tonight. It's almost like I'm seeing a different side of you."

"Yeah, well, if I tell you why, then it won't stay true. So I'll shut my trap, and you shut yours. 'Kay?"

Before he could answer, she snuggled closer to him. There was no need to respond. She was happy and relaxed, and there was no need to disturb that. They continued to watch the stars, allowed the snow to sprinkle across their bodies. The only sound was the giant clock nearby indicating midnight by its loud clanging. Finally, a new year without a giant commotion.

 _BOOM!_

They both jumped out of their lawn chairs as a giant Kyogre lit up the sky. Fireworks? No, couldn't be.

 _BOOM!_

Now a giant Groudon lit up the sky. Shelly stomped over to the edge of the rooftop, looking down in aggravation. "What the shit?!"

She was reverting back to her old self, so Tabitha rushed over to her side. He couldn't believe it. On a motorboat was Archie, and in a helicopter was Maxie. From the look of things, they seemed to be having another dispute.

"Hey, lava-brains, I thought I told you I was gonna light up the sky for my Shells tonight!" Archie was screaming from a megaphone.

"That's magma-brains to you, wanker, and I thought I told _you_ I was going to give Tabitha his late-Christmas gift in the form of Groudon!" Maxie was screaming back, also from a megaphone. "Of course you never listen…"

" _I_ never listen?! Don't talk up to me, you scone-eating ninny!"

"I believe you mean don't talk down, Archie…"

"HEY, DUMBASSES, SHUT IT! GET A ROOM ALREADY!"

Tabitha watched as Shelly threw the empty beer cans in their direction. Then one of the lawn chairs. He decided that enough was enough and held her back from throwing the other lawn chair, pulling her back to their spot. Now she was upset, tears trickling down on her face. Tabitha knew better than to address that, so he focused on her anger. "Hey, why so mad over them, Shelly? They do this every week. That's no reason to spoil tonight."

"Fuck, I know. It's just…" She stomped a foot on the ground, biting her lip. "Well, it's not coming true anyway, so I might as well spill it."

"Spill what?"

"I heard that if you don't say your new year's resolution out loud, it'll come true. All I wanted was to be the less aggressive Shelly for one month. One month. I just wanted to give you a break."

She was holding his hand tightly now. He grimaced and wrapped an arm around her, rubbing her back. It was one of the sweetest things she could've done. "Shelly, I don't need you to sacrifice anything," he murmured, kissing the top of her head. "I love you for you, and I don't want to understand anything less than you. Got that?"

"You're such a geek, babe."

"I know. Now I'm gonna fix this."

Taking a step back, he could only see her confusion as he grabbed the other lawn chair. Her resolution (in theory) may have been ruined, but his wasn't. All he wanted for the new year was to see her smile and joke and play punching games with him like she always did.

And if that meant paying for his boss's hospital bills, it was worth every penny.

* * *

Originally written on January 1, 2014. The playfights continue.


	4. Chapter 4

_the duchess_

Tabitha licked his lips as he squeezed the sides of the steering wheel. It was cold outside and inside his pick-up truck, nature's middle finger to his preferential warmth, but for once he ignored it. There were other dark, cold problems that clouded his mind. Like, why didn't he take his vacation days now like Brodie and avoid punishment for a couple more weeks? Or, why did he waste his last sick day by dropping his car keys in the garbage disposal?

He knew that throwing a lawn chair at Maxie would have repercussions, though he didn't expect those repercussions until his boss was no longer bedridden. And he kept telling himself that it was all worth it, since it cheered up Shelly and boosted his self-esteem. Many people in love often did even more bizarre things.

But he honestly wasn't sure if he'd survive this domino effect.

From the corner of his eye, he saw the dazzling duchess ease her way from the excited crowd with rushed autographs and thin-lipped smiles to his rusty pick-up truck. Even with just a faux fur wrap and a skintight vest in the January frigidness, she looked like she could melt a thousand men with that personality of hers. This was what stardom looked like, and Tabitha knew this all too well.

Grimacing, he also knew that such a dazzling personality created by stardom was only skin-deep as the woman hopped into the passenger side, slamming the door behind her. Those raspberry-Chapsticked lips only held that phony smile for a few more seconds before they curled into a look of disgust. "Where's my father?" was the cold inquiry.

Tabitha attempted to smile and failed. "Not even a hello, Malva?"

"Fine. Hi. You still with that redhead with the piss-poor taste in cowboy boots?"

"Me and Flannery haven't been together since high school. I'm with a different redhead now. You still with that one German guy?"

Malva rolled her eyes. "We've never _been_ , dumbass. We've always just remained fuck-buddies. Nothing more. Can you spare me a light?"

"I can spare you a match."

"You're absolutely pathetic. Give me it."

She snatched the matchbook from Tabitha's hands and lit up a cigarette. He dreaded everything about this. Since Maxie was confined to his bed and busy with making sure that dumb rival Archie didn't try to flood his house, Tabitha was left to tend to Malva, Maxie's estranged daughter. She held a boatload of many pretentious titles and was deemed arrogant by even her father's standards, perhaps rivaling only Archie in impossible cockiness.

Malva also didn't like anyone, and the feeling was mutual. Tabitha preferred wrestling with Team Aqua grunts over this as she flicked ashes into his half-full can of Coke. "Really, Tabitha, I thought you grew better with waiting on people," she sneered. "With great waiting should come great listening, but my father can't be bothered to even give mediocre instructions. Now don't make me repeat myself again. Where is he?"

"Doctor said he received back injuries from a lawn chair. He's bedridden for at least two weeks, so he asked me to take care of you until then."

"Really? He couldn't even give me Courtney?"

"You hate Courtney."

Like she hated him any less. He felt that cold glare practically shoot through his veins. For being born from a pair of fiery loins, she was awful. She kept flicking ashes into his Coke can like she didn't care about her father's condition, which she most likely didn't, but she could've at least feigned some sort of sympathy.

But of course being Malva, she wasn't the slightest bit sympathetic. "Wicked awful. I knew I should've made my own arrangements," the woman growled, taking an angry puff from her cigarette. "I should have known better the moment I spotted this piece of shit you're driving. If I wanted to waste my time with a crippled relative, I would've stayed with Uncle Lizzie at his own bedside. At least he has Netflix."

Uncle Lizzie, or Lysandre. Maxie and he had a rocky relationship due to the Team Magma/Team Flare rivalry, but Lysandre's disdain for his younger brother still couldn't compare to Malva's. She continued her roll of insults, never once letting down her look of disgust. "I hope you're at least placing me in a decent hotel. I don't like looking at strip clubs when I open my windows first thing in the morning."

Tabitha grimaced. "Unfortunately in this economic situation, your dad can't really afford you a hotel for that long. He, uh, refused actually. Said he has the perfect place for you to stay for free."

"Not with him."

"No…not with him. At my apartment. With me and my girlfriend..and our pet tarantula."

"Turn back around."

"What? I can't do that. Maxie'll kill me."

" _I'LL_ KILL YOU IF YOU DON'T TURN AROUND, AND I'LL MAKE SURE IT LOOKS LIKE AN ACCIDENT."

Snatching the keys out of the ignition, Malva forced the pick-up to a screeching halt. He should've felt something by having an attractive woman's hand hovering just inches from his jeans - arousal, tension, fear - but all Tabitha could think about was how to drive the truck off the bridge without the trusty keys.

Maybe if he ran out on foot now, Brodie would be able to pick up his battered remains on the side of the road later. It was worth a shot.

* * *

 _Originally posted January 11, 2014. This was the last of my commandershipping oneshots of this series from back then, and I left it on a dissatisfied note. Over the past couple of years, I've reworked some things regarding and relating to Malva, so. I'd like to write an epilogue for this. Soon._

 _(original notes: none of importance)_


	5. Chapter 5

_the queen_

Shelly slammed the dishes back and forth in the sink while she scrubbed them. Usually she didn't bother with washing dishes until it was absolutely necessary. Which it wasn't ever. Either Tabitha got around to them within the week, or they waited too long and just bought some cheap dishes from somewhere. But this so-called domestic work was the only thing keeping her busy from wringing her hands around Malva's neck.

That woman acted like she was royalty or something, but all she was was an annoying waste of space on their futon. She didn't want to stay with them in their low-class apartment, but she enjoyed staying there and hovering over every single thing they did. She didn't like hamburgers and the mystery sandwiches Courtney often sent them from her job, but she liked criticizing every ingredient in the food. And she would not stop ordering Tabitha around and making him drive her up and down Lilycove's coastline.

It was exhausting him. These past few days when they returned from their road trips, Tabitha went straight to bed. No snuggling up and smashing food into each other's mouths, no stealing the neighbors' back yard doodads, no annoying the landlord. Malva was a fun-sucker. A dirty, Kalosian fun-sucker that was about to turn into a vampire. And Shelly wasn't gonna have any more of it. Maxie was gonna take his daughter somehow.

 _SMASH_ , and one of the plates broke under her hand. Shelly wrinkled her nose and turned on the faucet, shrugging. A broken dish wasn't about to make her run to the couch crying. She was concentrated in her thoughts, formulating possible ways to kick Malva out of their apartment. One, kick her ass. That was always a good plan…except Malva was a good fighter. There was no guarantee that she'd be moved enough to move away from their bedroom. Two was to prank her out, but Malva had a better head than most people in either Team Aqua or Team Magma. She wasn't going to be fazed easily, either.

Then there was the talking it out strategy. Shelly made a face. Tabitha kept trying the talking it out strategy, but Malva wasn't moved by words, either. Cold bitch, although Shelly had to hand it to her. She had a lot better insults than her dad. Maybe if she tried and was persistent enough…

Nah. Malva would end up taking her boyfriend on all-nighters at that rate. Besides, the pranking route was more appealing, even if it did require more thinking.

The dishes would have to wait.

Tabitha felt as if the bags under his eyes were going to reach to his chin hairs soon enough. It'd been a week since Malva had come to stay with them for her visit to Maxie, and he didn't think things could be even more heated up after this. Of course, he had been saying that for the past three days, and here he was either going to finally be able to get a good night's rest or live like a zombie for the rest of the month.

Between Malva's demanding road trips and the prank war, exhaustion was eating him alive. Shelly began the prank war three days ago by replacing Malva's shaving cream with the expired whipped cream they had in the back of their fridge. It was not a pretty sight, and instead of exploding in a rage, Malva just handled it coolly by clogging their shower drain with chocolate syrup. Unexpected, yet it still raised a level in the pranks. Currently half of their living room was streaked with living room, and a large part of their fridge had some Styrofoam blocks in it. That wasn't overdoing it.

But what they were doing now was probably overdoing it.

He kept glancing at his rearview mirrors, hoping everything was strapped in and innocent-looking enough so that an Officer Jenny wouldn't pull them over and arrest them all. In the passenger seat, Shelly drummed on the middle while eating some peanuts. At least someone was in better spirits. Still…he looked sideways and sighed, deciding to voice his concerns out loud. "Babe?"

"Hmmm?"

"Do you think this is overdoing things?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Our futon, though…"

"It'll be fine. We'll either fish it back out or get another one."

"We can't afford another one."

"Somehow."

Tabitha raised an eyebrow but shook his head, chuckling. It was probably the sleep deprivation talking, but his girlfriend _did_ have the best pranks. Who was he to try and reason with her in times like these? Sure, she got him in trouble…often, but it was all for the good of something. Usually. And right now this something was fixing something that should've been fixed a week ago.

Soon they reached their destination. The beach, but the nasty part of the beach five minutes away with all of the kelp and six-pack rings. Both of them stepped out of the truck and went to the back, making sure that everything was intact – some beer cans, a couple of lawn chairs, and a futon with its sleeping occupant. Perfect.

Together they pulled the futon out from the truck and carried it towards the water. The weight wasn't that bad, surprisingly. Tabitha was in the best mood all week, and he felt like he could pull out his phone and play some easy emo rock tunes. Shelly was also grinning from ear to ear, looking cute as always. He missed their late-night dinner dates.

The ocean smelled like salt and vague sewage and was somewhat terrifying in the middle of the night, a monstrous black instead of a bright and sparkling blue, but it was the ocean. It was the place of dreams and revenge, according to Shelly. And while Tabitha's heart still belonged to land rather than water, he would take her side this once.

 _plop!_ and they shoved the futon into the revenge water. Shelly cackled and opened up a beer, cupping her hands around her mouth. "Bye, your royalty!" she shouted. "This queen of Hoenn bids you a farewell foreveeer!"

"Wha?"

As the distance widened, Malva rubbed sleep from her eyes and looked down seconds later, finally a rosy pink instead of her usual paleness. " _YOU!_ "

"Yes, me, thanks for noticing. Bye, bitch!"

Shelly took a swig of beer, then handed the can to Tabitha. He took a long, hearty drink, making a small wave with his hand. With his other hand, he wrapped his arm around Shelly's waist. They could always get the lawn chairs later. Between the ocean noises and Malva's screaming, it made throwing away their futon and having his boss scream at him later about worth it.

Shelly gently punched him in the arm. Ahhh, this felt normal. He looked at her and smirked. "You wanna grab some White Castle after this?"

"All-nighter sliders binge?"

Tabitha dangled a wallet out from his pocket. Not his, of course. "You know it."

They high-fived. Nah, it was definitely worth it.

End

* * *

 _It's been two years since I was writing on this, but I've finally come up with some sort of closure. Yay._

 _Also Malva probably would get back at them x10 in the future. The pranking war will always continue._


End file.
